Shelly wants to know why everyone keeps posting about her? She tries to make good, gets talked to for an hour or so and then nothing. Shelly would like people to know that she is not pushing anyone away. She's not hiding and she's actually making attempts at trying to right things. Maybe not sucessfully or as often as she should, but still, she attempts.

Shelly also would like to say that her best friends are the people she knows from home and went to high school with and would much rather spend every waking minute with them then with the friends she has made at school or work. Those are the people she wants in her life forever. Shelly would like me to make that clear for her.

Shelly would like to add that she knows she has stuff to be sorry for, but she will not appologize for all of it. She thinks that you should know she is sorry, even if she can't place why she is into words.

So, I took Vanni's advice and checked out my "manage log-in" page and found out where people are hacking from. I have a total of five different IP addresses listed here. Two are mine.

Whoever keeps hacking into my lj, if this IP address lookup was right, they live in California and they log on from two different IP addresses. I'm pretty sure I don't know anyone in California well enough that they would want to hack into my lj specifically.

I have four log-ins from someplace else that was easily pinpointed and that I can trace a name too. It's not appreciated. That's all I'm going to say on that.

So, because I don't know where these other two IPs come from, I think it might be time to make a new livejournal all together. Or possibly move on to another site. I'm not really sure what to do. It's the first time I've been able to sit down and actually spend a minute thinking about this and actually find the IP addresses. I'm a little disturbed. Any ideas?

PS: Stop changing my freakin password and then I wouldn't have to change it again. I'll share. One communal password for us all!

I'm done with livejournal. I haven't logged on in several days anyway, though according to the account page, I've been logged on several times over the past few days. And.. my password has been changed on me again.

I'm not quite ready to delete this journal, so it will still be up and around, but if there is any activity from it, unless otherwise noted, it's not me.

Just wanted to end this with one last ranty post before I move onto other things.



So, obviously, or maybe not so obviously, I've not been having the best of weeks. I was told not to come home by my own mother this past weekend though I had people waiting for me. I've been getting the most random of people IMing me, though I know why they have been and it's my own stupid fault. Thankfully, random people are generally nice and I don't think they will track me down or anything. Still, internet people, you never really know with them. Especially the one who IMed me about his girlfriend problems and then asked me to come to his softball game. Can't help you with the girlfriend problems.

Thankfully, I'm going home this weekend for a great old time! Seriously. Spending my birthday with people who actually want to take me out and do something fun for me, it's going to be great. What'll be even better, is when I come back to school and get to do it all over again with the people here.

Jose, and Ken want to take me out then have a little party with Chris, the other two and possibly other people. When I come back, Kenzie, Allie, Danielle, Tiff and Sarah want to take me out and then have a little party with the roomies, Kyle and Eric. Should be overall fun.

But then again, who knows if Eric will actually want to hang out. He's been so freakin awkward lately, though maybe it's because I'm actually with him more and more. You know, you marry a guy and suddenly, he wants to be a typical husband. He's distant and secretive and overall blah. Though I have spent some actual time hanging out with him, like trips to the grocery store and the movies.

Nichelle is getting a divorce after only two or three weeks. But I'm still possitive that her husband is gay and that it was a bad idea for her to marry him straight out of jail in the first place.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to wake up one morning and find my car painted in stripes in the parking lot. If that doesn't happen, and there is another big rain storm, my car may very well be burried under three feet of mud so that I can't find it. Kyle, I <3 you and if you didn't have a girlfriend, maybe I would have said yes to your proposal the other day. Besides, I think Eric would like the fight, if only for the practice.

( Picture )

So, as for now, goodbye to lj. I still have my AIM and maybe eventually, I will start a new journal to avoid this hacker person. But I'm just to tired lately to do it. So, until then..

Easter break actually kinda sucked. I didn't do anything cause everyone backed out on me last minute. I understand that Ken had his son for the weekend and then also had plans with other people the rest of the week. I understand that I didn't even see the Blueberry until a half hour before I left to come back to school. I don't understand that Chris made plans with me and then turned around to go out with someone else. But she did promise me my birthday weekend, which I knew about anyway. And she promised me every single day this summer. I think we might just get sick of each other.

Actually going to a concert in April. My first since Warped over the summer. I'm super excited! Boys Like Girls. It was advertised around campus and I stole one of the posters and now, it's hiding in my room. Kyle and his girlfriend shall be driving me there. Awesome crap.

I'm still excited for my birthday. Yay for getting people to buy your first drink at midnight. Jose, or, Blueberry shall be getting it for me and that right there is enough to make me happy because he offered. Yay! And, heck, he is my Blueberry!

Got bubbles at work tonight. Seriously fun. Bubbles are always fun. Except, as Gin pointed out, when they pop in your eyes. And package ribbons look awesome as hair decorations.

And now, I need a shower and need to sleep because I have work at 9 tomorrow morning. Or... today morning now apparently.

Sooo...

Easter break is going to be amazing! I can't wait to go home!

My birthday is going to be even better. I can't wait for that for the pure fact that I've never had friends throw me a party before. Sure, my mom has thrown me parties and friends come, but never has a friend thrown me a party. Awesome!

I totally only have 5 more classes in my major that I need to take and three outside of my major that are still required. That means! I'm actually graduating right on time and as expected. Yay! Who else who has been through four different majors in the course of three years can say that?

I've decided not to change my major just because of that reason. Though I'm still being pushed to go to grad school and I don't know what to study or where to go to do it. But I can actually see my graduation date and it's totally within reach. I can even graduate a semester early if I decide to take summer classes.

Weee!

I'm an excited and extremely tired little girl right now.

g'nite!

So, I totally just realized that I'm a barista. At least, I guess that would be the right term for it. Makes me sound all cool and knowledgeable about the coffees. Which I'm not, except I know how I like me my coffees and how to make their coffees. Yay for coffees.

Yay for spending Spring Break at Dunkin Donuts. One day off the whole time I'm off. Though, I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend it. Started the day off (Tuesday) by waking up and going to the movies to see the Spiderwick Chronicles. It was supposed to be a Cole's day only, so I went by meself. But, I let on to one of my fellow Barista's, AKA Jose, that I would be spending the day alone, and when he asked why, I told him, jokingly, that I had no friends.

So, he gathered the forces, sent Chris after me, and dragged me over to Chris' house where we all jumped into the car and went to Friendlys. Chris, Jose, Brenda (the most annoying thing to walk the planet) and me, that is. From there, around 10 at night, we went to pick up Ken and Kevin and went bowling. I haven't been bowling in at least two years. And yet I still got the second highest score out of all six of us!

After that, we dropped off Brenda, because she was being annoying and not a one of us could take it any longer. Went to try and find Ken and Kevin some food. Eventually ended up at the pool hall where we played pool until two in the morning. If you didn't know, pool is one of the most perverted games I have ever played. I sucked. I can't play that game for the life of me. I suck.

I got home sometime around three Wednesday morning. And I can't wait to do it all over again on Friday or Saturday before I go back to school. The boys were awesome cause none of us girls had to pay a cent the entire night. And they paid out their asses for us to all do stuff. Like, dinner was pretty expensive with three meals. And then bowling was a good deal of money and the billards hall was like.. $15 a person.

Can't wait to do it again. Can't wait for my birthday with these people. They are the ones who will be ringing in the big 2-1 with me at midnight. Yay for the Dunkin Crew!

I've been home for a total of two days and already I've worked for 4 hours, spent over $150 on clothes and shoes that I really don't need and have seen 2 1/2 movies! Go me.

Being home is always a good way to get rid money.

Wow, so, I would hate me too, after reading my last couple of posts.

I've been avoiding saying that for a good couple of weeks now cause I didn't want to believe it.

And because I'm afraid I can't get back what I had before.

( In which I ramble on about the people I work with, how I feel like crap, my day today, my lack of sleep, and a writer I admire. Oh, and the random story I wrote for my fiction writers workshop class! )


...And put it under a cut.

There is a storm outside and the thunder is going so bad at one point, I thought the building was collapsing before I realized it was just thunder. So I watched Peter Pan to calm myself down. I don't like thunder at all. Hence the icon.

Ok, so, this is late coming, I'm sure, but I'm sorry. Not, I'm sorry this is late, but a general, over-all sorry to everyone.

I've not been myself in a while and I know I've been ignoring everyone. Some more intently than others, again, I'm sorry, even if this isn't going to be accepted for what it is and the mess of words I'm using. Even certain keys on my keyboard are stiff because of dissuse.

Yes, I know I've been a shitty friend with a shitty attitude lately and longer. No, I don't have an excuse, more then that I was having fun last semester and that the computer was no longer the center of my universe. I had serveral friends around who kept me occupied and didn't like to sit around for to long doing nothing. I got dragged into that, and I was happy. But now, those friends are gone and the Christmas break is over, more on that in a minute, and I'm ready to get back to being me. Or, what of my I can scrounge up. It's probably not what some of you want, but it's what I can give.

As for Christmas vacation, no, I didn't call or make plans to do anything. I went out a grand total of maybe five times. And those five times were on the only days that I've had off in the past six weeks. Christmas vacation was hell. Five days off from my constant work schedule, mostly 8-10 hours a day. I was exhausted, litterally and got really sick. Finally went to the doctors today and he said that at first it was just the exhaustion that was making me sick, but because I wasn't taking any time off to fix that, my immune system crashed and I ended up picking up the first thing that came around. We still don't know what that is, but I'm on tons of meds now and still feeling like shit. It's not fun.

No, being sick and working all the time is not a good excuse to drop off the planet and not talk to anyone. But, thats what I did, and again, I'm sorry for it.

This is a shitty appology to go with shitty excuses for being a shitty friend these past couple of months, but it's all I have. And I hope that those who this is for, know who you are, though no names will be mentioned.

No, I haven't been meaningfully ignoring anyone.

No, I haven't been online for more then five minutes at a time.

Yes, I have been working my arse off.

Yes, I have been sleeping most of the rest of the time.

Tomorrow / Today, I have off from work and I plan on.. well, I don't know what I'm planning on doing. But I do know that I plan on being online a bit more now and talking and making myself more... sociable? I don't know. But I hope to be online and I'll get around to saying hello to everyone who I haven't talked to in a while and especially those who I should have been talking to.

Alrighty then!

You know what I just realized? I don't have dreams that I can remember when I'm at home. When I was at school, I would wake up every morning with a new and weirder dream then the night before. I come home, and the dreams imediately stop. It's always been strange. When I'm at home, I'll dreams a few times every couple of months, that I can remember. It will last maybe, three or four nights, and then they dissapear again. For like.. months.

I like to sleep because of the dreams that I have. Even if after an hour after I wake up, I don't remember what they were about, I just know the feeling that they gave me. Dreaming makes sleep fun and worth it. When I'm at home and not dreaming, it's like... my brain is against me. It doesn't want me to sleep, even though I'm so tired that I can fall asleep in the strangest possitions. Sleep is boring and only used for health reasons when I'm at home.

And to end this, I'm going to sleep!

So, Jen is officially moved out as of yesterday. Once the new semester starts back up, she'll be coming back up to the school every other monday for A class. She'll aslo come up for all of our 21sts, which should be fun. So, to celebrate the memory of Jen, with Jen in tow, we had the best two weeks of the semester!

1st, we got stuck at a Barnes and Nobles after our TGIO party because I forgot to turn off the lights on my car and the battery died. We had to ask about 50 people walking around if they had jump cables and could help. Of course, once your stuck outside of a book store, it's kind of hard to find someone with jumps. Some lady told us to look for youer men in a truck. Riiight, cause so many of them show up at book stores. Thankfully, a really wild pair came by and we got them to help us. Did you ever notice how when you need help and your stuck, you're either going to get the murderous types or the really religious? Thankfully, we got the really religious, even though for a few seconds, we thought we had the murderers. The one guy was in the process of jumping the car when he turned to me and asked "Are you collge students?" I told him yes. He said, "Oh, good. I've been thinking about you a lot recently." And opens his coat and reaches into his pocket. I seriously thought he was going to kill me right then and there. He didn't obviously. He pulled out a peice of paper and asked us to help with his youth group teachings of intercity kids. It was the scariest moment of my life and has caused a lot of laughs since then.

2nd, we snowballed our RA's room. Seriously. Ok, not with real snowballs, but rolled up peices of white paper which we called snowballs. We had a snowball fight with her and her boyfriend who was there for a couple of hours. That was loads of fun!

3rd, we went to Cold Stone and hit the Boy. The Boy being RA's boyfriend. For those of you who don't know, hitting is one of my favorite activities at Cold Stone. It's when you go in and really loudly announce that it's someone's birthday for the whole store to hear and then watch them get really red and embarrassed when the ice cream makers start to sing to them. Its fun to see how many death threats you get too. The reason it's called hitting is because it's never a single one of their birthdays when they get called out, which makes it even more fun. I have previously hit Jen, Danielle, the Boy, Lisa and myself. Yes, I hit myself. I was bored and there was no one else who I could hit at the time. Danielle was by far the best to call out though because she down right refused it and loudly which made them sing louder. Funny.

4th, we bought a hampster, even though we had gone to the pet store to get the RA a turtle. She wanted a turtle, ended up deciding on getting a hampster, changed her mind at the last minute and bought Jen the hampster. Jen paid her back for everything then sold the hampster to Kenzie, who currently has it at home now. The hampster stayed in my room for one night and I almost killed it when it woke me up at 5 am! When I had an 8 am final in just a couple of hours. It spent the next night in the bathtub!

5th, we spent a grand total of 2 hours looking for a store that had closed down about a week ago so that we could finally get the RA her turtle. It was going to be a christmas gift from me and Jen. Then we went out to try and find her a webkinz, cause they are super cool! Couldn't find the turtle. After going through four or five stores, we were finally told that the turtle wasn't being sold yet. Niice.

6th, we went to Hooters for dinner since Jen has been bugging me since the beginning of the semester to take her. We got Danielle, Kenzie and the RA to come with us. Danielle and Kenzie got hit for the second time this semester since we told the girls (who didn't have the biggest boobs or the brightest brains) that it was both of their birthdays. That was fun because they got called up to the front of the restraunt and put ontop of chairs and with everyone there watching was sung to with all the hooters girls surrounding them.

7th, we snowballed the RA again. She retalliated by stuffing all the balls into a trash bin and dumping it on Jen's head.

8th, night before I left, we drank a little in the room. Not a lot, at all, because I don't ever plan on getting that drunk ever again. The best part, the RA came over with her own bottle of Vodka and stayed with us while we ALL drank. Not only are we not allowed to drink in our rooms, we aren't allowed to be on campus with it and she's supposed to write us up and get us sent to AA meetings if we're caught even once with alcohol. She sat there and drank with us.

Then I left the next morning. An hour and a half after I was supposed to leave cause I had nothing packed. Yay me. And now I am home!

You know, it's really ashame when you learn that the people who live across the hall from you are actually fun people and are deserving of your time when there is only one week of school left. It's totally awesome though, when that person is the RA and totally fun as shit.

We had a snow ball fight today, snowballs made from scrap paper. She left the room, left her door unlocked and we trashed her room with lots of snow balls. She retaliated by sweeping them into our common area.

Tonight, we're making a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree. You know the kind. A little stick that you found on the ground and felt sorry for, so you took it and decorated it. Yeah. It's going to be fuuuun.

( General bitchy rant )

So, onto the good stuff.

Jen is an idiot and pledged the floors in the common room. If you don't know what pledge does on a tile floor, let me tell you. We now have an ice skating rink in our common room. It was fun a week ago when she did it and we went skating in our socks and then sleding on couch cushions and never had to leave the room. At one in the morning, when you just woke up cause you have to go to the bathroom, it's not so much fun anymore. lol

Strip games are not as fun as they have always been made out to be. In fact, they are rather embarrassing when you lose.

TGIO party was actually kind of fun. Met some great people this November. My NaNo isn't done, but it's cool. I have the challenge of unwriting a novel next year because apparently, I'm really good at it.

Um.. I'm getting sick and have been sleeping more often then not lately. Fun stuff.

And I think that might be all.

PS: when I'm older, I wanna get a farm and grow Christmas trees and pumpkins for the holidays. My trees will be in fields and you will need to take either a hay ride or a horse drawn buggy (I've heard of it being done before) to get to the trees, of which you will have to cut on your own. It will be loads of fun and totally cool around the holidays to be so involved in other peoples traditions and happiness (and anger at the holidays because it brings out so much frustration)!

So, a good couple of years ago, we'll go with about five or six years, I had a dream. Up until just this morning, I completely forgot about this dream.

In the dream, there had been some sort of natural dissaster in some foreign country and I was talking with one of the men who had survived. He had only one leg and he was standing in front of his house which had fallen down because of the dissaster. His family was all behind him and I remember being freaked out by the fact that he had only one leg and yet, he could survive this horrible thing.

This morning, I open the AOL homepage to catch up on my daily news and an article about the Death Toll rising from the Cyclone in Bangladesh appeared first thing. I opened the page because I already had some background on this from a couple of days ago or so. Read the article and then skimmed through the pictures down towards the bottom of the page.

Picture #48, there is the man who I dreamed about all those years ago. It was the exact same man. The only difference was that in my dream, I'm pretty sure he was wearing pants and not a towel around his waist.

Incredibly freaky moment, if I may say so.

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/cyclone-death-toll-tops-3100/20071118072809990001

OMG! I don't know how in the world I'm sitting so calm and cool on the couch. I feel like I'm going to bubble up and burst in excitement.

I'm pretty sure that no one knows that I emailed my mom a few weeks ago and told her that I was going to tour this summer and I would do it no matter what it took. It was what I was going to do.

Well, as fate has it, the lady my mom sits next to at work, Nisaa, wrote a book back in 2001. It was picked up by a real publisher just a while ago and starting this summer, she starts her book signing tour and promotion!!!!

I told my mom to talk to her and tell her that I would be willing to help her out in any way that I can. Of course, my mom laughed at me and told me that she would already have people and that the publishers would be supplying these people. BUT, she talked to her anyway.

And don't you know, that Nisaa does need people. She needs someone to help with arrangements, travel and all sorts of things. And she wants someone who is interested in writing and learning the business. She told my mom that she wants to help me in the career in any way that she can and that she would love to have me on her team.

I emailed her as soon as I read that email and I'll let you all know what she said when she answers me back.


Ahhh! Yaaaaaayyy!

Going to a write-in with Jen today at 4! Going to be tons of fun, just like last week! Great people who we write with.

( Weird questioned survey )

So, tonight was very theraputic and highly funny. Remenicing about "the good ol days" and even "the bad ol days" can be more fun then they should.

I laughed so hard tonight, that I'm already starting to lose my voice. Fun stuff.

Thank you, Kitty for the two and a half hour "slightly longer" way home. It was way entertaining.

So, while we're watching Dancing With the Stars and I tell you that Marie Osmond's daddy died yesterday morning, the correct response is NOT to stare at me mortified that I would say such a thing to you.

Yes, I do understand that your own daddy died in November and with me not trying to be mean, I have to say this to you:

1. It was over fifteen years ago.
2. You were three and had little to no contact with him ever.
3. IT WAS OVER FIFTEEN YEARS AGO AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM!

When one of our friends goes on to talk about how she could go for a drink last night, the correct response is NOT to bark out at her that you don't want to talk about that right now.

Again, I understand that your daddy died and again, with me not trying to be mean, I have to say this to you:

1. It was his personal choice to become a drunk.
2. It was his personal choice to become a druggie.
3. It was over fifteen years ago and you didn't know him!

Yes, I understand that your daddy died, as you can very well see. I'm not telling you not to be upset about it. But seriously, it should not affect everything that you do and think in the month of November.

It should also not compell you to bring back a ouiji board to school to perform seiances outside to try and get the dead nuns in the cemetery to let you talk to your father. That's just weird and freaky and if we're going to do a seiance, it's going to be to contact someone from here not someone who had nothing to do with this place. Thankfully, this was only just talk at three in the morning and no ouiji boards were brought to school.

Honestly, I'm not trying to be the bad guy here. And as much as I want to say get over it, I know thats not the right thing to say, I wont say it. Therefore, I have nothing else to say.


PS: I have new icons! Yay me.